Furthering my identity as a crunchy granola pod person, I spent this past Saturday at an all day meditation retreat. This wasn't an impulse or a one time deal. I have been attending a mindfulness class every Thursday for the past month. Some meditate to find the meaning of life -- I turned to meditation for peace of mind.
Most people assume meditation clears your mind, when mindfulness is quite the opposite. In mindful meditation, one acknowledges their thoughts - whether pleasures or demons - with non-judgement. Picture yourself concentrating on a floating leaf in the ocean, thoughts floating by your head. As you focus on your breathing, you point out the patterns and themes, as if they are clouds in the sky, appearing now as shapes and animals. Mindful meditation is an effective, but sometimes terrifying, way to understand your mind. The more we know about our demons, the better prepared we are to battle them. In class, we often refer to meditation as working our brain muscle. And as with any endurance test, no pain, no gain.
So back to my Saturday. I woke up early, grabbed my yoga mat (did I mention I was a pod person?) and headed to the retreat, which was held in a scenic, but busy, location in San Francisco. The entire bus ride I kept questioning what I was doing. I could have turned around at any time. The classes - and especially the retreat - are voluntary. Yet here I was, paying money to spend the day in silence. I arrived early so I could get settled. Only half of the regulars at my class were brave enough to show up.
The morning was extremely difficult. My mind was stormy and the sitting meditation was more challenging than usual. I kept telling myself I only had to make it to lunch, then I could leave early. Next up was the body scan meditation. We lay on the floor and focused on each body part, moving from the feet up to the top of our heads. I usually fall asleep during the body scan, and this was no exception. Then we did a walking meditation, which is the most calming. It was beautiful outside, so we walked along the grass, focusing only on our breathing and the tiny steps of our feet. We returned inside for a half hour of yoga (naturally) and broke for an hour lunch.
The instructor encouraged us to continue the mindful mood during lunch, to be present and quiet - no distractions, especially technology. I sat alone in the park, enjoying my packed lunch - tofu, brown rice and apple sauce. I watched dogs play, ran my fingers through the grass, and soaked up the sunlight. It was, indeed, a beautiful lunch. At the end of the day, a classmate remarked that he ate lunch in front of the ocean, and the synchronized rhythm of the waves and his chewing was almost overwhelming.
The afternoon was the complete opposite of the morning. Over the course of several meditations, I actually felt present -- and my mind was clear of the usual stress. During the sitting meditation, I was only aware of my breathing. During yoga, I was only aware of my body's power. During the walking meditation, I was only aware of my movement, not even the stares of strangers penetrated me. I had thoughts, but they were more like welcome ideas than nagging doubts. Thunder in the morning and rays of light in the afternoon.
The instructors closed the retreat with a group discussion. My experience was not typical - some felt the same, while others had the opposite morning/afternoon, and more struggled the entire day. But we all agreed that spending one day being present was an interesting and worthwhile journey. Too often we go through life lost in distractions, when focusing on something as human and mundane as breathing can bring us back to earth.
You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.
~ Shrii Shrii Anandamurti
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